I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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