Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
