I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
