Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's like iHOP with fire
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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