I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
