I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
