At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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