We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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