his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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