Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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