I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So much Jack, so little girl.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
