? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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