I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
