I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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