if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
