I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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