he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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