First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
