Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
