so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
