I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
