Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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