and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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