My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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