Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
