If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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