dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
