Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
