he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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