A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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