If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams