I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?