I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.