Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍