Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas