beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
