just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
