Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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