girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
