From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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