Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
