Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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