There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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