how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
