I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
