Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
