She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
