OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
