I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
