I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.