so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.