I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
