my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
