the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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