Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
