He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
