The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
