what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
