i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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