I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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