Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
