Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
