Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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