Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We have started to decorate penises.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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