I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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