Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
