But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
