My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
