in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
