I can tuck mytits in my pants
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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