And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
