I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
