woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
