My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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