Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
