My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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