she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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