I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
