I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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