think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
