Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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