How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
