no, he came in my armpit
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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