$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
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I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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