Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
