I think I am morally bankrupt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
