Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
